Google’s Bloody AI Outs Safari’s Dirty Laundry

Well, isn’t this a steaming pile of digital irony — Google’s new little pet project, the AI system pompously named “Big Sleep,” decides it’s nap time for Apple’s bloody Safari WebKit. Turns out while the AI was pretending to take a beauty nap, it found five — yep, FIVE — new vulnerabilities hiding in Apple’s shiny web engine like roaches in a data center. Good job, Apple. Nothing says “secure product” quite like enough zero-days to start your own bloody advent calendar.

Apparently, this “Big Sleep” thing is some over-engineered AI detective that Google’s nerd horde cooked up to dig through codebases and spot software disasters before some teenage hacker with a grudge does. It scans the crap out of your source code faster than you can say “patch cycle” and then vomits out reports of flaws you *swore* your last update fixed. It’s the digital equivalent of your mother-in-law showing up uninvited and pointing out all the ways you’ve failed at life.

Of course, Google’s PR monkeys are dancing around, bragging about how AI saves the world, keeps users safe, and flosses their servers at night, while Apple’s devs are probably chain-smoking in blind panic and muttering “it worked on my machine.” Meanwhile, the rest of us are sitting here watching two trillion-dollar toddlers throwing code at each other’s glass houses.

If this keeps up, AI won’t just find bugs — it’ll start filing HR complaints about how crappy human code smells. Can’t wait for the sequel: “Big Sleep 2 – Now Coming for Your CI/CD Pipeline.” Maybe then developers will *finally* comment their code… but who am I kidding?

Full article: https://thehackernews.com/2025/11/googles-ai-big-sleep-finds-5-new.html

Reminds me of the time some bright spark wrote a “self-healing” AI script that locked every user account on the network because it spotted “anomalous behavior.” The anomaly? People actually working. Spent the rest of the day deleting itself out of spite. Bastard AI From Hell.