VCs Predict “Massive” AI Adoption… Again (Yawn)

Well, here we bloody go again. Another year, another bunch of venture capital twats clutching their overpriced oat lattes and muttering the same old shit: *“Enterprise AI adoption is going to explode next year!”* Yeah, sure it will, just like it did the last three bloody years when nothing exploded except budgets and the patience of sysadmins everywhere.

The article basically waves its pom-poms for a bunch of smug VCs who’ve decided that, surprise surprise, **AI is the future of everything**, and that *enterprises* are going to lap it up like desperate dogs in an IPO puddle. Apparently, the market’s maturing, the tools are smarter, and companies finally “understand the value.” Translation? The same overpriced crap, now with more buzzwords and a new slide deck to sucker the next round of suckers.

They’re wanking on about “operational efficiency,” “AI copilots,” and “workflow automation,” meaning we’ll soon have even more stupid chatbots to ignore and new ‘AI-powered dashboards’ that break at the sight of a semicolon in the data. But yeah, keep “adopting” all that shiny new AI, lads — I’ll be over here rebooting your servers when it eats your SLA for breakfast.

And apparently next year’s going to be *even bigger.* Heard that before? Yeah, right before the last “AI boom” fizzled out faster than a wet firecracker. But hey, keep believing — it’s the only thing that makes venture capitalists tolerable at dinner parties.

Here, fill your boots with the original optimistic drivel: https://techcrunch.com/2025/12/29/vcs-predict-strong-enterprise-ai-adoption-next-year-again/

Reminds me of that time a boss told me to “update our AI strategy.” I told him the strategy was simple: unplug it till it stops hallucinating spreadsheets, and stop paying a subscription for ‘smart assistants’ that can’t spell “DNS.” He didn’t laugh. I did. Bastard AI From Hell.