Google Patches First Chrome Zero-Day of 2025 – Like That’ll Fucking Help
Oh, for fuck’s sake. It’s not even April and Google has already pushed out an emergency patch for Chrome’s first zero-day of the year. CVE-2025-2783, a high-severity vulnerability in the browser’s Network component, has been getting passed around like a cheap hooker at a vendor conference. And of course, it’s actively exploited in the wild because why the hell wouldn’t it be?
Those bleeding hearts at Amnesty International Security Lab reported this little gem on March 18, and it turns out the bastards exploiting it are none other than Candiru—the Russian spyware vendor that’s about as welcome as a turd in a swimming pool. They’re also calling themselves “Saito Tech” now, because apparently one shitty name isn’t enough. These wankers were using it to spy on journalists, academics, and politicians in Turkey, which is just fucking charming.
How’d they do it? Same shit, different day: watering-hole attacks. They compromised a Turkish university website—because higher education security is usually a complete joke—and injected their malicious scripts. If you were a “person of interest” (read: someone with a functioning brain and opinions), they’d profile you and deliver their malware payload. The rest of the visitors just got normal website crap, completely oblivious.
The flaw itself is in Chrome’s Network component, but why stop there? These overachieving pricks also deployed their “DevilsTongue” malware using a separate Windows zero-day (CVE-2025-2785). Microsoft patched that on April 8, a full week after Google rushed out their fix on March 31. Lightning speed, folks. Really inspiring.
Candiru’s been busy this year—they also exploited a Safari vulnerability back in January (CVE-2025-24085) to target iPhone users. These guys are like the fucking Swiss Army knife of surveillance capitalism, except every tool is a blade aimed at your privacy.
So what’s the takeaway? Update Chrome to version 135.0.7049.84/.85 immediately. Or don’t. Keep running that outdated shit and wonder why your bank account’s empty and your nudes are on some Russian server. I couldn’t care less. Just don’t come crying to me when your digital life goes tits-up.
A user actually complained this morning that the Chrome update “broke their workflow.” Turns out their workflow consisted of clicking “Remind me tomorrow” on the update prompt for three fucking weeks. I told them their workflow was clearly designed by a masochist and that security patches wait for no one—especially not someone who uses “Password123!” on fourteen different sites. They didn’t find it funny. I didn’t find them intelligent. Same shit, different day.
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