Mental Health Apps Are Royally Fucking Your Privacy While Pretending to Care

So some bright sparks at the Mozilla Foundation decided to waste their precious time “analyzing” two of the most popular Android mental health apps, and guess what? They found they’re about as secure as a chocolate teapot in the middle of a fucking blast furnace. Pray.com and BetterHelp—sounding like sanctimonious bastards one minute and a self-help guru the next—have been caught with their digital trousers down, shoveling user data to Facebook faster than I shovel user complaints into the digital void.

Pray.com, the holy-rolling data vacuum with over 10 million installs, is apparently sharing your deepest spiritual confessions with Meta’s tracking pixel. Because nothing says “divine intervention” like having your prayer audio, contacts, and purchase history fed straight into Zuckerberg’s gaping maw. The app doesn’t even have a privacy policy IN THE APP ITSELF, which is about as compliant with GDPR as I am with attending those bullshit “team synergy” meetings. It’s collecting everything but your firstborn child and disclosing fuck-all about it.

Then there’s BetterHelp—the therapy app with over a million installs that promises confidentiality while busily forwarding your mental health data to Facebook AND Mixpanel. Their privacy policy reads like it was written by a team of lawyers huffing industrial-grade solvents—so many loopholes you could drive a truck full of user data through it. They claim they’re helping with your anxiety while actively CAUSING it by telling Facebook you’re depressed. The sheer fucking audacity of these muppets.

Both apps are plastered with Meta’s tracking pixel like it’s going out of style, which means every tap, swipe, and sob gets logged for targeted advertising. Because obviously if you’re praying or crying into your phone at 3 AM, what you REALLY need is ads for weight loss pills and dodgy supplements. Neither app meets basic GDPR requirements, but why would they? Compliance costs money that could be better spent on executive bonuses and cocaine.

This comes on the heels of Mozilla’s previous research into mental health apps, which found the entire category is basically a privacy septic tank. But sure, let’s all keep installing these digital confession booths and therapy sponges because the pretty icons and five-star reviews (all bought and paid for) make us feel warm and fuzzy. Fucking brilliant.

The worst part? These aren’t some fly-by-night operations from a basement in Vladivostok. These are “established” apps with millions of users who actually trust them with their most vulnerable moments. And what do they get in return? Their data sold to the highest bidder. It’s like going to a priest for confession and finding out he’s live-streaming it to Pornhub for ad revenue.

Link to the full article for anyone who enjoys reading about humanity’s continuing descent into digital masochism: https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/news/security/android-mental-health-apps-with-147m-installs-filled-with-security-flaws/

Anyway, had a luser this morning complaining that their “confidential” meditation app was showing them ads for antidepressants. I told them that’s what happens when you treat privacy policies like terms and conditions—nobody reads them, and you get exactly what you deserve. They cried. I logged it as a PEBKAC error and closed the ticket. Fuck ’em.

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