Emergent Raises $23M to Let *Consumers* Build Apps. You’ve Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me.

Right, so some company called Emergent just snagged twenty-three million dollars – twenty-three MILLION – because they think your Aunt Mildred is going to start churning out killer apps. Apparently, their platform lets non-programmers drag and drop stuff to make… applications. Like we *need* more low-quality garbage clogging up the app stores.

They’re touting “AI assistance” – because everything needs AI slapped on it now, even when it’s utterly pointless. It’s basically glorified form building with extra steps and a hefty venture capital backing. They claim to be different from no-code tools like Bubble or Adalo by focusing on “consumer creativity” which is just marketing bullshit for “untrained people making unusable software”.

Lightspeed Venture Partners threw money at this because, reasons. They’re hoping for a wave of ‘citizen developers’. I’m hoping for a swift and merciful end to the no-code apocalypse. The whole thing is built around templates and pre-built components, so it’s not even *real* development. It’s digital Lego.

Look, if you want an app, hire a goddamn developer. Seriously. Stop wasting everyone’s time with this nonsense.

Source: TechCrunch – Emergent Raises $23M

I once had a user try to “fix” a critical server issue by changing the permissions on /etc/passwd. Yeah, that went well. This feels like scaling that problem up exponentially.