Google’s Gemini to Power Apple’s Siri — Because Apparently Hell Froze Over

Well, would you look at that — the gods of tech hypocrisy have finally decided to spoon each other. Apple, the holier-than-thou privacy priest, is apparently jumping into bed with Google’s bloody Gemini AI to juice up Siri. Yeah, Siri — that digital dumbass that’s been trailing behind Alexa and ChatGPT like a lost toddler in traffic.

So here’s the deal: Apple’s apparently realized its own AI is about as useful as a submarine with screen doors, so it’s stamping a shiny bitten-apple sticker on Google’s AI models. That means all the fancy “intelligent” features in iPhones and Macs might soon be powered by the same company Apple spent years calling data-hoarding bastards. Irony, thy name is Cupertino.

Tim Cook’s crew swears it’s all totally safe and “on-device private” — yeah, and