Dell RecoverPoint: A Zero-Day Masterclass in Corporate Incompetence

Oh for fuck’s sake. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the server room, Dell’s dropped another turd in the enterprise punchbowl. This time it’s RecoverPoint for VMs – that overpriced “disaster recovery” solution that’s now *causing* the fucking disasters.

Some absolute genius at Dell coded CVE-2026-22769 into their product, which is a fancy way of saying “we left the back door wide open, the lights on, and a sign saying ‘FREE STUFF INSIDE’.” And because Dell apparently employs sloths on Ambien for their security team, this vulnerability has been actively exploited since MID-2024. That’s right, while you were busy patching the last Dell clusterfuck, hackers were already neck-deep in this one, rifling through your data like it was a garage sale.

The vulnerability is a beautiful authentication bypass that lets any mouth-breather with a keyboard gain admin access to your vCenter. From there, they can steal your data, delete your backups, or just wipe their ass with your compliance certifications. The software’s supposed to protect your VMs, but instead it’s handing them over on a silver platter with a side of fuck-you.

Dell’s response? They’ve finally (!) released a patch and are “urging” customers to update. How generous of them. They’re also suggesting you review logs for suspicious activity – which is like asking you to identify which specific cow fart caused the methane explosion that leveled your house. Too little, too late, you useless bastards.

Affected versions are 5.3.x through 6.0.x, so if you’re running that steaming pile, stop whatever meaningless shit you’re doing and PATCH. NOW. And then maybe have a stiff drink while you contemplate why you keep trusting companies that treat security like an optional extra.

Tales from the Crypt(ographer)

Just yesterday, some middle manager with the technical prowess of a boiled potato asked me if this “RecoverPoint thing” would affect his ability to play YouTube videos at his desk. I explained that no, it wouldn’t, but the ransomware currently encrypting his “Important Spreadsheets” folder might put a damper on his viewing experience. He looked confused, then asked if I could “just make it work.” I told him I’d recover his data the same way Dell recovers their reputation: by pretending the problem doesn’t exist and blaming the user. He toddled off satisfied. I updated his profile to “expendable.”

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