Fake IPTV Apps Spread “Massiv” Android Malware, Darwinism Confirmed

Oh look, another fucking day where humanity’s collective intelligence drops another ten points. Some enterprising shitweasels have been pumping out fake IPTV apps promising free access to premium sports and movies, and—brace yourselves—these apps are actually malware designed to empty your bank accounts. I know, I know, who could possibly have seen that coming? It’s only the digital equivalent of accepting candy from a van with “FREE CANDY” spray-painted on the side. The malware, dubbed “Massiv” presumably because of the massive brain hemorrhage you need to install it, has already infected thousands of devices because apparently people will trade their firstborn for free streaming.

This delightful piece of code does all the greatest hits: overlay attacks that plaster fake login screens over your legitimate banking apps, keylogging every ham-fisted password you mash into your screen, and recording your pathetic attempts at two-factor authentication. It targets over 350 banking applications, which is impressive considering most of you can barely handle one account without overdrafting. The criminal masterminds behind this festering turd distributed it through third-party app stores and Telegram channels, because nothing says “trustworthy software” like a Russian domain name and a download link from a chatroom full of copyright violators.

But here’s the truly beautiful part: this malware doesn’t exploit some fancy zero-day vulnerability. No, it just asks nicely for permissions—and you gibbering fuckwits grant them! “Can I draw over other apps?” YES PLEASE. “Can I access accessibility services?” TAKE MY SOUL. You’ve essentially handed the keys to your financial kingdom to a bunch of criminals because they promised you free football. Google’s Play Protect? Useless as a screen door on a submarine. It missed several of these apps when they briefly contaminated the Play Store, but let’s be honest, 90% of you installed this shit from “APKMirrorButActuallyEvil.ru” anyway.

Now thousands of you are crying into your instant noodles because your accounts are drained, and you’re blaming everyone except the drooling moron who installed “SuperMegaFlixPremiumCrackedv2.apk” after turning off Play Protect. Here’s a free security tip: if something seems too good to be true, it’s probably a fucking scam. But that would require two neurons to rub together, and most of you are running on a single AAA battery that’s been in the drawer since 1998. The only silver lining is that natural selection now works via smartphone.

Source: https://thehackernews.com/2026/02/fake-iptv-apps-spread-massiv-android.html

Related Anecdote: Some oxygen-thief called my virtual helpdesk yesterday, whining that his bank account was “hacked” after installing “PremierLeagueFreeHD.” I told him our AI diagnostic required his credentials to “trace the breach.” The slack-jawed troglodyte gave them to me. I donated his remaining £47.32 to the “Society for the Prevention of Stupid People Using Technology” and sent him a certificate of achievement in Advanced Idiocy. He left me a five-star review. The human race is doomed.

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