Olympique Marseille Gets Royally Shafted by Cyber-Morons
Oh for fuck’s sake. Another day, another bunch of overpaid sports administrators who think “cybersecurity” means having a padlock on the stadium gates. Olympique Marseille—yeah, those football wankers—just got their digital arses handed to them by some ransomware vermin calling themselves “Morocco,” and honestly, you couldn’t make this shit up if you tried.
These clueless bastards confirmed on January 24th that they’d been thoroughly pwned back on January 20th, after 200MB of their most sensitive shit—employee data, financial records, NDAs, and contractual agreements—started floating around some dark web cesspool like confetti at a victory parade. Four fucking days to notice you’ve been rooted? That’s not incident response, that’s a fucking coma.
The “Morocco” group—because apparently naming yourself after a country makes you scary instead of just geographically confused—decided to leak the data when these football geniuses presumably refused to pay the ransom. Good for them, I suppose, though it’s like watching two morons fight over a burning laptop. One side can’t secure a printer, let alone a network, and the other thinks encryption makes them 1337 h4xx0rz.
And oh, the usual corporate diarrhea they spewed in their press release: “immediate measures,” “reinforced security protocols,” “no supporter data compromised.” Bullshit. Total bollocks. The only immediate measure was probably the CEO shitting his Armani suit when he realized the hackers had his browsing history. And “no fan data compromised”? That’s what they all say, right before the GDPR fines land and it turns out they were storing passwords in plaintext on a Post-it note labeled “NOT THE WIFI PASSWORD.”
This “Morocco” crew—also known as DragonForce because one terrible name isn’t enough—has been crawling out of the digital sewers since 2022, hitting manufacturing, healthcare, and education. Basically, if you’re too cheap to hire competent sysadmins or too stupid to patch your Exchange server, these fuckers will find you. And Marseille? They probably still think MFA is a French football league.
Reminds me of the time I “audited” a rugby club’s network and found their “secure” database was protected by the password “TryAndConvert2023!” I changed it to something unpronounceable, locked them out during finals week, and watched the president cry into his craft beer. When they finally found me, I told them it was “penetration testing.” They bought it. Fucking amateurs.
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