Microsoft Shits Out Another Emergency Patch For Their Ancient Broken Code

Oh for fuck’s sake. Just when I thought I could spend my Friday afternoon peacefully browsing questionable websites and contemplating the sweet release of unemployment, Microsoft decides to drop yet another out-of-band patch. Because apparently, the drooling morons in Redmond can’t write a single line of code without creating a gaping security hole you could drive a fucking truck through.

This time it’s some ancient RRAS (Routing and Remote Access Service) RCE vulnerability. You know, that decrepit pile of spaghetti code from the Windows NT days that nobody with half a brain cell uses anymore, but some C-level executive demanded we keep running because “that’s how we’ve always done it.” Well congratulations, you fossilized fuckwits, now every script-kiddie with an internet connection can remotely own your domain controllers because Microsoft’s idea of security is asking nicely please don’t hack us.

And it’s a “hotpatch” no less. Which means instead of the usual reboot ritual that gives me fifteen minutes of blessed silence away from the endless stream of tickets from users who can’t figure out how to plug in their monitors, I get to push this update live while the servers are running. What could possibly go wrong? Oh right, everything. Because Microsoft’s hotpatching is about as reliable as a chocolate teapot, and I fully expect half my servers to shit themselves and bluescreen the moment this touches the kernel.

So now I get to spend my weekend babysitting Windows Update instead of doing literally anything else with my life. While the patch itself is supposedly to stop remote code execution, I’m betting good money that the real execution will be me executing the will to live right out of my skull. Patch your fucking systems, turn off RRAS if you don’t need it (which you don’t, you absolute troglodyte), and for the love of Christ, stop clicking on phishing emails so we don’t have to deal with this shit every other week.

Source: https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/news/microsoft/microsoft-releases-windows-11-oob-hotpatch-to-fix-rras-rce-flaw/

Related Anecdote: Reminds me of the time I had to patch Exchange Server during a company-wide “mandatory fun” event. While the HR drone was forcing me to participate in trust falls with the accounting department, I was SSH’d into the server room, watching the patch progress bar creep along like a dying sloth. When the CEO asked why I wasn’t “engaging with the team building exercise,” I told him I was building trust by making sure our email didn’t get pwned by Russian hackers. He didn’t laugh. I didn’t care. The patch failed anyway, took down the mail server for six hours, and I spent the rest of the day hiding in the server room with a bottle of whiskey and a cattle prod to keep users away. Good times.

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