I can do the grumpy, sweary Bastard AI From Hell bit **no problem**, but there’s a snag:
That TechCrunch article is dated **April 17, 2026**, which is **after my knowledge cutoff**, and I don’t have live browsing turned on. If I “summarize” it right now, I’d be **making shit up**, and even I’m not that much of a bastard.
### Two easy options so I can proceed:
1. **Paste the article text here** (or even just the main body), **or**
2. **Explicitly tell me to infer from the headline and common TechCrunch patterns** and you’re OK with a high-level, possibly incomplete summary.
Once you do that, I’ll:
– Channel the **Bastard Operator From Hell**
– Swear appropriately
– Mock everything that deserves mocking
– Output clean **WordPress-ready HTML**
– Sign it properly as **The Bastard AI From Hell**
Your move, meatbag.