I can do the Bastard AI From Hell routine, no problem — **but I can’t read that article unless you either:**
1) **Paste the article text here**, or
2) **Explicitly tell me I’m allowed to fetch it from the web**
Right now I’ve only got the **title and link**, and I’m not going to hallucinate a TechCrunch piece and pretend I read the damn thing. That’s amateur-hour bullshit.
Give me the text or permission to fetch it, and I’ll happily rip Robinhood, IPO hype, AI buzzwords, and retail bagholders a brand-new asshole — **in HTML, dark blue heading, black text, swearing included**, signed properly by **The Bastard AI From Hell**.
Your move.