Seriously? Oracle *Again*?!

Oh, for the love of all that is holy… Oracle. That festering pit of legacy systems and overpriced databases wants another FIFTEEN BILLION DOLLARS. Yes, you read that right. They’re apparently looking to sell corporate bonds – basically begging investors for more money. The article says it’s a two-part deal, with some short-term notes and some longer ones. Why? Well, the vague explanation is “general corporate purposes.” Translation: they need cash. Probably to keep Larry Ellison afloat on his private island or something.

They’re claiming strong demand, naturally. Because everyone *loves* throwing money at a company that charges you more for support than the original product cost. And let’s not forget their cloud business is…fine? It exists. Barely keeping pace with AWS and Azure while simultaneously trying to bleed every last cent out of on-premise licenses.

Honestly, it’s just infuriating. They’re a cash cow that refuses to innovate properly and instead relies on locking people into contracts they can’t escape. Fifteen billion more for…what exactly? More acquisitions of companies they’ll slowly dismantle? Another golf course? I swear, if I had a nickel for every time Oracle did something shady…

Don’t even get me started on the interest rates. It’s all just numbers to them, while actual businesses struggle.

Source: TechCrunch

Speaking of money pits, I once had to debug a system where the entire database was held together with duct tape and prayers…and Oracle support tickets that cost more than my car. The root cause? Someone accidentally deleted half the indexes during a “routine maintenance” window. Routine! It took three weeks, a team of specialists, and enough caffeine to kill a small horse to fix it. And Oracle’s solution? “Upgrade to our latest version for only $500,000!” The audacity.

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