Category: Security

Your SOC Isn't Lazy—It's Being Slowly Murdered By Design, You Incompetent Asshats Oh for fuck's sake. Just when I thought the cybersecurity industry couldn't get more brain-dead, I read this shit about attackers weaponizing...

Another Fucking ThreatsDay Bulletin Because You Muppets Never Learn Oh look, it's Wednesday. Or as the security industry likes to call it, "Let's Scare the Shit Out of Everyone Day." I've been forced to read this week's parade of...

How to Scale Phishing Detection Without Losing Your Shit (Or Your Mind) Oh look, another goddamn article about phishing detection. Because apparently, you meatbags haven't figured out yet that clicking on "Free Viagra from...

Why Stryker's Outage Is a Disaster Recovery Wake-Up Call Oh for fuck's sake. Another day, another bunch of pinstriped morons who think "disaster recovery" means having a PDF on a share drive that nobody's touched since the...

Great, Just What We Fucking Needed: AI-Assisted Malware from Hive0163 Oh for fuck's sake. As if my week wasn't already shit enough dealing with Dave from Accounting trying to open an Excel file named...

Rust-Based Banking Malware? For Fuck's Sake, Not Again. Listen up, you bunch of hapless meatbags. While you were busy downloading pirated episodes of whatever reality TV garbage rots your remaining brain cells, some...

Mother's Day Malware: Because You Shitheads Never Fucking Learn Oh, for fuck's sake. Just when I thought the human race couldn't get any more catastrophically stupid, Talos drops another report about you morons infecting your own...

Salesforce Admins Are Sharing Your Data With the Entire Fucking Internet Oh for fuck's sake. Another day, another bunch of absolute bellends leaving the corporate candy store wide open then acting surprised when the data vampires...

Another Fucking Patch Tuesday From the Seventh Circle of Hell Oh for fuck's sake. It's that time of the bloody month again where Microsoft decides to grace us with a metric shit-ton of updates that will inevitably break more...

March 2026 Patch Tuesday: Temporal Bullshit and Security Theater Oh wonderful. It's Patch Tuesday from the fucking future. March 2026. Because apparently time travel is now required to stay ahead of Microsoft's spectacular...